The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
