dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
