fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
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