i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
