And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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