Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
