He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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