Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
