i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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