i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Even my vagina gasped.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
