On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Randomize
