I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
