he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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