I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
