I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Randomize
