so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Even my vagina gasped.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
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