Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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