my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
