During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
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I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
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