Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
The cops high fived after they tackled you
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
