So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
There's always time for handjobs
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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