wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
This show inspires me to have sex in space
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
