im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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