let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
