he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Randomize
