Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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