dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
