I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Randomize
