He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
She just used a chaser for red wine.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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