3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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