I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
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