Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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