I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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