Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
