i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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