Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
