"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
