Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
