Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
