I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I need to wash the frat house off of me
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
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