Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
