Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
