Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
