I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
