Only a mothe r could love this liver
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize