I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
