He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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