I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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