i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
