I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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