seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
