i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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