Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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