If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
