my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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