Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
25 Adults Reveal The Most Embarrassing Stories From When They Were Kids
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.