I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me