I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.