dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
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Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
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and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.