Texts From Last Night

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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.

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  (704): I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum. http://tfl.nu/041y
  Replies (11) Good night (557) Bad night (2722)
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  where does the pee come out of this thing

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  (920): where does the pee come out of this thing http://tfl.nu/pebd
  Replies (13) Good night (714) Bad night (4616)
• Favorite

  (928): View more from Arizona

  I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.

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  (928): I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos. http://tfl.nu/xt2r
  Replies (23) Good night (4286) Bad night (821)
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  (631): View more from New York

  I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.

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  (631): I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise. http://tfl.nu/lz74
  Replies (9) Good night (3883) Bad night (862)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward

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  (732): Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward http://tfl.nu/ic98
  Replies (6) Good night (2237) Bad night (1852)
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever

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  (704): You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever http://tfl.nu/czge
  Replies (3) Good night (1012) Bad night (2358)
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt

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  (317): We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt http://tfl.nu/hqwl
  Replies (12) Good night (3163) Bad night (817)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?

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  (248): Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower? http://tfl.nu/qrst
  Replies (5) Good night (959) Bad night (2139)
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling

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  (781): No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling http://tfl.nu/pro8
  Replies (5) Good night (1394) Bad night (1041)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12

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  (310): Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12 http://tfl.nu/ovmd
  Replies (3) Good night (1449) Bad night (457)
• Favorite

  (940): View more from Texas

  Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.

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  (940): Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits. http://tfl.nu/jw0d
  Replies (10) Good night (879) Bad night (337)
• Favorite

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?

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  (774): I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do? http://tfl.nu/dozv
  Replies (16) Good night (585) Bad night (286)
• Favorite

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.

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  (864): Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning. http://tfl.nu/ou8u
  Replies (8) Good night (556) Bad night (347)
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?

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  (843): Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me? http://tfl.nu/xg65
  Replies (1) Good night (468) Bad night (252)
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.

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  (832): just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me. http://tfl.nu/y6sy
  Replies (1) Good night (802) Bad night (197)

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