You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
