I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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