All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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