you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
