Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Randomize
