And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
