If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
