My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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