ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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