the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
