You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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