the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
